1st Kekel 6039
Another year dawns and I can’t keep on like this. Pretending. The entire world might be blind but I’m not and I’m sick of pretending otherwise. I see them everywhere. The dead, or whatever they are. I see their red eyes in my dreams. Sometimes they see me too. How is it possible, monsters can look so sad?
School is a waste of time. I’m learning lies, nothing I read is real. What good is a degree in nonsense? What can it teach me about the world I see but no one else admits is real? Father will be angry. Esa will understand, I think. She won’t admit it. She’s always been better at pretending than I am, but she knows what’s really out there.
14th Kekel 6039
I walk the streets, everyday, all day. I walk and I see. Truly see. There is a whole world hidden away in the cracks, the allies, the shadows of this seedy little city called home. I feel alive for the first time in twenty-one years. All my senses are alert. I see colours I never knew existed. I hear the dead speak. I go where they go. I live as they live, and somehow that is not an oxymoron.
The dead truly do live, because, I am learning, they are not dead. Not in any sense that means anything. They might have died in flesh but they think and they feel the same as I. It has only been a few weeks but I have already learned so much. All it took was opening my eyes.
Father is disappointed, of course. He was so proud that Esa and I were accepted for higher learning; we are the first of our family to go to the university and I know that father feels I am letting not just myself, but our family down. Esa told me so to my face, but am used to ignoring her when she’s in her snits. Father says nothing, he never does, but I know he blames himself for what I am. The magic in me. I tried to talk to him about the dead. We fought.
Father tells me I have to stay away from the dead. That they are dangerous. But he won’t say why. Hypocrite. The man trained me and Esa in magic, just as his father trained him. But he never told us how much more there was to the world, than normal eyes can perceive. Although it hurts me, I am sickened by his cowardice and that he would inflict that cowardice on me.
I will show him. I’ll keep going on my journey of discovery. There is so much to learn. Where do the dead come from? Why do they stay here, when their lot is so miserable? It is my goal to have the answers to these questions within the month.
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ALDLIS CHRONICLES 